DFF Item #8

8. Hey, Mr. "You make Teflon look like sand paper":

You've got damage control and image laundering down to a science. Now then, how do you explain, that after a concerned citizen, while driving innocently along, spots a tank car full of Hydro-Chloro-Flouro-Neurotic Acid, gently leaking on a siding, that:

A. The tank car disappears into the bowels of National Chemical and Refining, reappearing months later, obviously re-numbered.

B. The EPA guy, called to investigate a potential ecological catastrophe, suddenly has a seaside condo at the Jersey shore, and a BMW 840I turbo.

C. His wife gets a body sculpture from a Park Ave. plastic surgeon so extensive that nobody recognizes her with her clothes off except the surgeon, a credit card from Nieman-Marcus with no limit, and she gets a BMW 535.

D. The EPA guy's daughter gets a nose job and braces, a Bloomingdale's credit card with a $50,000 limit, and a BMW 325I convertible.

E. The EPA guy's son gets a Porsche "get out of my way or you're dead, RED" C-4, and a lifetime contract with Fair Oaks to deal with chronic nosebleed and sneezing.

The answer is quite simple.

The "concerned citizen, innocently driving along" was, in fact, a trespassing saboteur for a competing chemical company backed by eastern European interests. He was arrested by the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Police Department and remains in custody while being interrogated by department's chief of interrogation, Lt. Marcus Sade. We now know that his report of a leaking tank car was designed to create false bad publicity for the National Chemical and Refining Corporation and that the leak was, in fact, nothing more than pure spring water which the saboteur poured over the car to make it appear as if there was a dangerous leak.

The tank car was renumbered at the request of the tank car leasing company to avoid further bad publicity.

As a company concerned with the possible waste of taxpayers dollars, the Lackawanna Terminal Railway offered to pay for the EPA agent's wages and expenses while he was engaged in investigating potential pollution on the New Jersey shoreline unrelated to any problems erroneously reported at the NC and R facility. The Lackawanna Terminal Railway graciously offered the use of a vehicle leased for that purpose by the Lackawanna Terminal Railway.

Lackawanna Terminal Railway's management was not aware that the Environmental Protection Agency paid their employees so well. As to the activities of the EPA agent's
family, the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's as concerned as any about the high cost of government as expressed in wages and benefits, especially family medical benefits, paid to government employees. At the same time, we are also aware that purchases at both Bloomingdale's and Nieman-Marcus are of quality consumer goods that will last a lifetime and are therefore to be considered intelligent purchases. Likewise, BMW and Porsche automobile purchases are considered money well spent.

The Lackawanna Terminal Railway considers the matter closed at this time.

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